Hot Hot and Hot

 The Arizona heat is on. It's only 97 right now....a cool down! By the weekend the temperature will climb again.

August Sue makes her appearance today. She is catching butterflies.

Just a close up of the details....I like the ribbon trim on her hat...I used a piece of netting for her net...and a twig from the garden...found the perfect trim for the apron and a couple of ladybugs added. Fun creating these gals.

Lisa update: her mom Carol and sister Beth arrived Sunday(Beth has left). Carol will be here for 2 weeks. We thought Lisa would be home by now....Lisa is finally out of ICU and in a room. there have been a few hiccups requiring more monitoring. Fingers and toes crossed she will be home any day now. All in all, Lisa is doing very well.... ambulating with minor assist and all IVs and drains are removed. The temporary pacemaker is all that is left.thank all who keep her in your thoughts.

I am learning button making. Why..just because. So far I have made the Dorset Button and the Death Head Button. The Dorset button dates back to 1622 in Dorset England. They were used for men's waistcoats.The Death Head dates to the 17th and 18th centuries and were mainly used for military uniforms. this type of needlework is sometimes referred to as passementerie.... the art of making elaborate trims and edging trims like buttons and tassels and braiding. Today a book I ordered on this craft arrives! I will be waiting for that Amazon truck!!! I am always eager to learn something new. For the buttons, I think I will attach to a banner..... I will be sure to take pictures as I learn to make these buttons.

Nice to chat with you again. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. Thank you for your friendship.

It's Just one Breath

As I finish packing to return home this morning, I would like to reflect on something

A breath...

A human breaths
16 / minute
960 / hour
23,040 / day
8,409,600 / year

Grace and I have accomplished quite a bit this week, as I prepare to leave I reflect, everything done was already thought through, I accompanied her several places, but mostly kept her company. Remarkable strength for someone who is facing death, loss of a spouse and best friend.

Many believe she was incapable because Dennis did so much for her, but we all fail to realize what she has done for Dennis for 47 years.

Sure we chuckled at her posts about not pumping gas, of not cooking much, Denny this Denny that, what she did not post was her contribution to this institution of marriage, friendship and partnership.

We laughed a bit, kept comfortable silence as we visited but most importantly we waited.

So as I pack and await my ride to the airport, I came to Arizona to wait for one breath, Dennis Horton's last.

He has not taken it yet, so now I will wait for a phone call of Dennis's last breath.

Thanks for stopping by.... until I return

Alan

Day of changes

The air conditioner was installed yesterday and I must thank dear friends and neighbors Glenda and Don for taking care of it all!   It was wonderful to walk into a cool home and sleep well with this heat. Today is expected to be around 108...The Brother Alan will experience his first real hot weather. He arrives today around 12:30 and it will be about 3/4 of an hour before he is here, home. Then it will be off to visit with Denny. Today is the day that I make one of the hardest decisions in my life. Yesterday it became official that he was in Hospice care at the hospital. The blue butterfly placed on his door told everyone. We talked about whether he will be coming home or to a Hospice facility (the hospital has one across the street). The IM doctor reminded me that nurses are not around the clock at home and he is taking his med every hour by injection...which I cannot give. He can not swallow pills anymore. I do not make this decision lightly. Denny always said no hospital bed in his home for him. It really is a no brainer and I am told by Social Services and the RN and the IM that I should not feel guilty about this. But I do and at the same time I want what is best for him. Today is the day. I am told that because he is not eating and drinking the time is limited. I sit with him, I offer drink, he refuses if he answers at all. It is difficult for him to speak. More cards arrived yesterday for him...but he will not see them but I know they are here and I thank you for sending them. I thank you for caring and for the encouraging words. Please think of us today.

At Banner Boswell Hospital, a blue butterfly place outside the room on the door signifies that a patient is dying and is on Comfort Measures Only. Only the doctor covering and the RN enter the room and only for meds to keep the patient comfortable. It asks for respect for the patient and family.

We're having a heat wave....

an Arizona heat wave....Were are in a Heat Advisory for this week and of course it is the week the air conditioner chose to fail and now this afternoon, a crew will be installing a new on. Right now we are at 86 and it may reach 107....can not even imagine being on the roof for 3 hours or more. I spoke with the IM yesterday...a very compassionate lady who does not want Dennis home until the house is safe...safe with air conditioning; so Tuesday will be the day. Yesterday was a very emotional day for both Denny and me. I tried to keep busy with my word for the day and did stitch Blessed.

It was the next word in the Affirmation Words project from Donna at By The Bay Needleart project. At first it was hard to think of why to stitch this word. Then I could find many reasons to feel blessed. So many who care enough to express their concern and love for us at this time. The phone call yesterday after messaging back and forth from "my cousin Frankie"...that is how Denny always refers to his cousin Frank back in RI. Frank just wanted to talk for a minute to Denny so I held the tablet ( I did not know we could talk over the tablet but that is for another day) and once hearing his voice it became apparent of the long distance affection these two men have for one another. Frank sent encouraging words.....When I could not hold it together after that' one of the RNs was there to give me a hug.....yes, we are blessed to have so many people caring for us. then later this arrived via email

niece Elyssa sent this Dragonfly...it is made with prints from Natalia's little feet.....and a letter accompanied it that will be very emotional for Denny...her Godfather. Both of these will become cherished items for many years to come. Indeed it was a very emotional day and I am blessed with so much during this difficult time. One more day and The Brother Alan will be here to help me get organized...I know, I am a very organized gal. Right now though I need some direction so the little big brother will help set things in motion. He will be here for the week. I made a nice cup of tea this morning to find that the milk was bad...I instead am having a tall glass of iced water which considering the heat today is a better idea...get hydrated and stay hydrated.  Have you tried the water drinks with veggies...like cucumber....I did, not bad. I think I will stick with lemon in my water. Oh wait, I do not have any lemons...guess it will be plain water today. So, on to the day with thank you to all of you my dear friends for the kind and encouraging words. Most of all thank you for your friendship. I will carry the loving thoughts form all of you today.

Staying Strong

I think there might be some people who will be surprised at how strong I have become. Truth be told, I always was but now it is showing. Time for me to step up and do what needs to be done. I finished the word Strong yesterday. So far each of these words that I have worked on this past week has been so appropriate for what Denny and I are experiencing. When I came home last night the air conditioner still would not kick in...103 out and 91 inside will not do. I made a few calls and "no emergency service" was a response. Glenda and Don, neighbors but more importantly good caring friends, gave me the number of someone to call. I explained to the gal who answered at almost 8 PM the situation and she said she could have someone out in the morning (Sunday) and they would call me before coming. Well not 10 minutes and Brent calls to say he will be here between 7 and 7:30 ...perfect. I let Don know and thanked him for the contact and asked him what to ask. Dennis and I are not used to asking for help....never really had to. I just did not want this company to take advantage (some do) of a woman in this situation. One problem hopefully solved. Let me back up....when I acme home around 7 PM I decided to get out and check the plants and the pond. That fountain was squirting crazy again and knocked over. The broom handle once again did not work. A Pond Shower again! I knew what had to be done and as soon as my stomach settled,  into the pond I reached and I took the slimy pump and fountain out to clean. I know it is not as clean as Denny would make it, but it is clean and back in the pond and working ...at least it was when I left it. I will check at daylight....it is only 3:18 AM right now and I am not going out to check. Mind you, this is the very first time I did this...the pond itself needs cleaning, but it will have to wait. All done and no fish harmed and I did not fall in! Let me tell you about my guy yesterday. It was an uneventful day. Being the weekend, the gang as Denny calls them were few parading in and out. He dozed on/off most of the day. The medication is working to keep him comfortable. He is still having issues with the mouth infection; not eating and did not drink much. He will be home Monday with Hospice and we shall see. There was another platelet transfusion. The goal is to try to stabilize him for a positive return home. I need to say that I am nervous having him home but it will be so good for both of us. In hospital there are nurses to call if needed...now it will be me. He has concerns but I hope it will go smoothly from here. All that is being done at the hospital is just to reassure Denny so he can come home. The Brother Alan will arrive Tuesday around 12:30 PM and we will move on together during the week to solve some things.  the list has grown form a blank piece of paper to several items. I will call on the Angels to watch over us and whatever will be will be....Some cards arrived yesterday and I will take them to show Denny. I read him Facebook messages and emails. You all have been the rock that I know I can rest on. Thank you for all the caring and loving kind words.....thank you so much for the beautiful friendship you offer. I think a large glass of Rain Berry Gatorade will do nicely....maybe I can catch a short nap before starting the day. Never did find my lovely scissors.  I do not feel very lady-like using a pair with Workforce stamped on them.

What a day for a daydream....

Always liked the song, but daydreams do not last. When I arrive at the hospital, the first thing I do is check the board to see who is Dennis' RN. I do not look for her because it is a busy time at 8 AM. Once I wash hands don a mask, in the room I go and I help my guy get ready for breakfast. Yesterday found him not feeling well due to the infection and his mouth was very painful. I ask about his night and we chat. It was impossible for him to eat even the cream of wheat. Every nurse and can he has had has been so caring. Yesterday was no exception. Meds given and I get an update. Blood cell down.... needs transfusion. Platelet count is 11,000, down 10,000 from yesterday. Normal count is between 150,000 to 450,000, he is critical and 2 units are ordered. Then the series of "visitors" arrive.
The ladies form Hospice are in, and I tell them we will wait until Monday to talk with them.The Internal Medicine doctor was pleasant and understands the keeping him comfortable request. The Swat Team arrives to draw blood. Rolly has done this with Denny before this time he explains the challenge. So much edema that he will need to draw for a knuckle area...that is right. Tries the left index finger no go. So to the right hand and after a try he is successful but for a very little amount but it will have to do. In comes the Infectious Disease doctor, a really nice and caring man. This time he motions for me to leave the room so I join him just outside the main room. The news is that there is nothing more that can be done and I loose it.  I knew this would come, but hearing it is another thing. He feels it would be better coming form me. He gives me a hug and reports to the RN. When I enter the room, Denny asks if I am through crying..."just tell me"....I cry, we talk, he just is quiet.  Around 1:30 he is up and sitting in the recliner to change position form the bed. In comes the Oncologist, who has been a nice lady, that is until no. She is upset he is refusing more chemo and we tell her we want comfort measures. She abruptly removes her gloves and tell me  that she will see him as an out patient in her office as she quickly leaves the room. Not likely. I take a walk so I can cry. Later the Heart doctor stops in...By the end of the day ( 6 PM), Dennis is still in pain. I tell him I will stay with him but a little after 7 he tells me I should go.  I do not want to, but I will. So, I arrive home to find that the house is very warm. The temp out was 100 and the house was 92. The air conditioner is not working.  I turn it off, find something to eat, put all the ceiling fans on and proceed to spill ice water all over the side of the bed.....finally I drift off to sleep . I awake at 2:30 and turn the air back on...it is back off. Time to call in someone....so I start my day wondering what will be today. One thing for sure, I will not be telling Mr H about the air conditioner...at least not today. Suddenly I am in charge of a lot. I did not even tell you about my pond fountain mishap! That was at 6:30 AM when I went to water the plants and check the pond. The fountain is getting clogged apparently, so it sprays unevenly. I decided to tape it with the broom handle and immediately took a pond shower! I got it to flow better but I do know what my next job after dealing with the air conditioner will be. Oh the yelling I did at the beginning of the day and the end of the day! I finished this yesterday..

I love the variegated pink. It was the perfect next word....I found compassion from the Banner Boswell staff. Always ready with a smile, "how are you doing" and of course a hug. I needed it all yesterday. The next word is Strong. I have been and will need to be. Such meaning with this project. Thank you dear Debbie Burke for the every morning email....for the card and also to KimM. I will take them as I did the others to show him. They do bring a smile from "his" blog friends. Thank you all for your loving and caring words of encouragement and thank you for the friendship which especially now means so much. Let's try for a good day.

Back in the hospital and a lost glass of iced coffee.

When I came home and listened to the several telephone messages. there was one from my sister so I called, first getting my glass of iced coffee from the fridge. Yes, after only being home 2 days, Denny is back in the hospital and it was not easy. On Monday he did not feel well could not swallow well and did not eat. Tuesday was our first Oncology visit and she decided he needed to go to the ER for IV fluids due to dehydration. Off we went at 2:45 PM and for almost 8 hours we remained in the ER...doing this and that; more blood tests and urine tests and a   platelet transfusion along with IV fluids. 10:45 PM,  finally an Observation admission (over night). No sooner are we on the unit and just getting into bed and he went into A Fib mode.. They called for the Rapid Respond team and everyone began to work to get his heart beating normally again. 12:15 AM move to the Cardiac Unit for monitoring...yes, this time dear friends I knew where we were! Once Denny got settled, I left at 1:30 AM. After a few hours sleep I returned yesterday to see what we were going to do. As I turned the corner to enter his room, there was a sign on the door about precautions and I had to enter through 2 doors. Then I saw the bed...completely unmade and pushed aside and no Dennis! Rushed out to the nursing center and they explained he went for tests. What a scare I tell you. Obviously more tests took place and a procedure in the afternoon.  About the room: Because of his almost nil immune system, hands must be washed before entering, a mask must be worn in the room and hands must be washed when leaving the room. Those damn masks are very unattractive...more importantly it is hard to breathe with them on! More doctors in and out and an important conversation with the Oncologist. Another surgical procedure late in the day. Lots of pain for Denny and then he finally settled down. But, just before he did sleep I told the nurse I would be leaving and out of nowhere he says, "sit down". And specifically to sit next to the bed. So, instead of leaving at 7 it was 8ish when I left. I did start my next Affirmation word yesterday, Compassionate and again an appropriate word for me.  Once home I checked the answering machine and a message from my sister Linda. Before calling Linda, I opened the fridge to see what I could quickly eat. Well, I found a glass of iced coffee and 3 cooked shrimp sitting in butter just waiting for me. This morning I remembered the glass of coffee and did not see the glass anywhere. Somehow, it ended up in the living room on the TV stand....who left it there needs a lesson in good housekeeping. Laundry for Denny is now in the dryer and my coffee is almost finished.  Thank you for the lovely cards they mean a lot to Denny and me. Thank you for the kind words and most of all your friendship. The Brother Alan will surely be posting especially on my off days.
Did I mentioned Denny who is always cold complained that the room was too cold and they immediately got the nighttime "engineer" in to fix the temperature. I  actually do not have to wear a sweater! Have a nice day my friends....

Mr H comes home!

It seemed like it was not going to happen. I arrived at the hospital around 8am and Denny was up and eating picking at his breakfast. Immediately I noticed that his right arm was swollen more the left which had been swollen. It was tight to touch and bothering him. He said that the RN had checked him earlier (done each change of shift). After breakfast the RN came in with meds and I brought it to her attention.  Oh no I thought we are not going home today. A call placed to the doctor and ace wrap applied and to be monitored at this time. Problem: his circulation is impaired and DVT mentioned (Deep Vein Thrombosis). Now a lesson in how to apply the ace wrap for me to do at home. We took a lovely walk in the park around the nursing station (2x) and then back for a sit down rest. Still awaiting discharge. Blood pressure has been running low, some changes to the meds he will be taking. A lesson in cutting one of his pills and now we are proud owners of a dandy pill cutter! Denny is anxious about going home but I think once home he will be okay. The injectable med is quite expensive and not covered by our prescription plan.  After some checking our Blue Cross will cover it. So far we met with the Discharge Coordinator , all papers signed for me to take him home, and now the Oncology/Hematology doctor who will be treating my guy. He needs an injection for the white cell count but it has to be ordered and this is a holiday weekend. She goes over a list of what to watch for once home (if we ever get there) and to call her immediately if a problem arises. We must be in her office on Tuesday (if we are out of here by then). Have I told you all the paper work I have received? Today I will build a file! Then the bomb shell. He would not be able to give his own injection do to the extreme edema he is having and will most likely continue to have. Me? Oh no dear nurse, not me.....how could I? I have never given an injection or used a needle. Contrary to my cousin Norman who suggested that I could because of all the needlework I do! What can I say, he is a writer! Anyway I watched carefully as RN Vickie gave Denny the injection into the abdomen.... I do not like needles and do not like watching and now she wants me to do both... never going to happen. Did I mention we are still waiting on discharge. Back comes RN Vickie with the insulin needle and suggests that  me, myself and I give it...no, no I can not. Mr H says I can so I did....I gave my first injection and the patient survived. Said I did  not even hurt him. What discharge, we are still waiting. As 4:30 arrives so does George to transport Denny for a Vascular Ultra sound in both arms to rule out blood clots. Dennis asks that I watch his bed...like who wants it. Finally after dinner which we should have been enjoying having at home, more paperwork  and discharge is on the way. Right! Change of shift and the wait is on. Finally around 8:30 PM we are on our way home. Around 9 PM I finally had a baked sweet potato and fresh fruit. I must have fallen asleep around 11 with orders to my guy to wake me if he needed anything. Friends I am so pleased that we are here, home. We will be careful to watch for all the things on our list and  start this journey together as we have done so this far.  We have a long way to go.....thank you for all the caring kind words and cards (thank you cousin Janice and blogging friend Karen from Averyclaire Needlearts) which have cheered him. Your friendship has truly helped me through this past week. Back to regular blogging with just brief updates on my guy.
To the person who emailed me that she thought this was a stitching blog....remember; it is my blog and I can write and show whatever I wish. I would love for you to follow and enjoy but you do not have to read it when it does not interest you. 

Day 7...

Goodness, today will be one week since Denny was admitted to hospital. What a week. Yesterday was his first Chemo. It definitely brought him some anxiety and concern and questions, especially after the oncology coordinator visit.  I know they need to prepare you for the what ifs, but it is down right scary. I think he is second guessing having treatment. Concern about the side effects, how much time does he have how many treatments. The alternative? I made it clear that everything concerning him is decision and his alone. She emphasized that I need to sanitize everything all the time, keep him away from anyone ill, no crowds, and on and on. Did you know there is a procedure for flushing the toilet when on Chemo? Having not dealt with Chemo patients, I had no idea of some of he things we will need to do to keep him safe. We have not a road to walk but a hill to climb and we will do it together. He made me laugh several times yesterday....and it felt good to see and hear his humor. They tell me to rest then come in and wake me. I told him I was going to the restroom and he told me to Toddle along little doggie... The CNA was in before each meal for blood check. She asked if she could take a sample, he rolls his eyes....it was good. In the afternoon he listened to a few NE Patriot player interviews on the tablet. He even tried to watch a movie but in they came several times so that ended that. Are you familiar with the Sherlock Holmes movies with Basil Rathbone ? He kept dismissing me like Sherlock would do to Mrs. Hudson.  A flip of the hand! Oh yes, it was good to see him this way and at the same time see him mentally in his own space. I usually stay until the evening meal. Last evening the CNA brought me a tray. When she left I said --- Oh honey how romantic that we can dine at Chez Boswell...he gave me  that look and rolled his eyes. Glad that day is over and now on to today,  Friday---has all this happened in one week? If all went well last night and today, he will be discharged this weekend. So, when I leave him tonight I will be off to Walmart for a supply of disposable gloves and lots of Clorox wipes. My finger will be crossed for a good day for Denny.  Right now, I think I will try to get a couple hours of nap time. Ooooh I just felt a hug...Thank you!
PS...I guess I should tell him the Doves are at it again...another nest and this time back in the wall planter.

Day 6 on day 6

 It has been an overwhelming day.  Denny called them, " a gang of people". Seems today was the day for all to want to stop in and talk. Oncology Doctor, Oncology Nurse, Cancer Society Navigator, and the IM Doctor....everyone had initials and something to say. Navigator, that was a new title to me. They direct you to the right path or person or agency...okay. The word cancer was said often we found out more about this illness that is taking a toll on my Denny. He finally asked if the chemo was going to fix this ( as in cure) and the doctor quietly said no. After everyone left Denny looked almost defeated and turned to me to say he was nervous and worried about me. How would I manage financially...how this and that. I asked him not to think or worry about that.  Finally it was decided to start chemo tomorrow ( Thursday ) and so up to the Oncology unit from the Cardiac unit he was going. I just got used to remembering he was even on the Cardiac unit. So, after dinner which the doctor finally consented to change to a regular diet, transport was arranged. Craig arrived to find Denny with severe dry heaves and not feeling very well at all. He patiently waited then took us upstairs. They greeted us and I explained that he was not doing well and he  (on cue ) started to dry heave again. Finally he seemed to settle and they came in to do the admissions to the floor. I brought to the RN's attention the rash that now is spreading and very red. Friends, I must say he is not looking well at all. I hated to leave him but I desperately needed to come home to settle myself and let him rest. I really feel scared and I know he is too. His T Cell Lymphoma is Stage 4 and we still await the tests complete results. Tonight sleep will not come easy if at all. My mind and heart are in overload. I know I can count on you to think of us and keep us in your prayers. Maybe, just maybe things will be okay tomorrow........goodnight........

It was day day 5 yesterday...I think

Oh my, I must have been as tired as I thought I was last night. I just woke and the clock said 6:22AM. Today my body aches...I fear it is the chair they call a recliner in the hospital! Long day yesterday. I arrived at 6 AM so I could accompany Denny for the procedure. At 7ish down we went to have the fluid drained and a transfusion for the blood cells. It was still a low count so this was necessary. They also put in the port. They explained all this but still I thought why all this? It was more real seeing this thing that would now become part of him. He did well, all took about one hour and right back to the room. Denny actually ate a little better for lunch and dinner. Did I mention this place is freezing? I swear I am going to be ill from the cold. The temp outside yesterday was 104, and 103 the day before and I emerge from the hospital wearing a sweater which is on all day! I think I am in a fog---just tried to pour milk into my coffee with the cap still on....oh dear, it is going to be another long day. We spoke with one of the doctors just before I left, actually I was already down in the main lobby when my phone rang asking me to return to talk with him. We reviewed the DNR--do not resuscitate policy. Always a pleasant thought. After the doctor left Denny was angry with me, said I asked too many questions. But if I do not ask who will? He does not so I must. One thing is for sure, I am glad of the  medical knowledge ( minimal as it is) I have. Dear DianeD sent me a PM with encouragement and a few questions. She is a long distance life line. All of you are so kind and caring. I know I can reach out and touch you. Right now though, I need to get myself together. The pond fish will be hungry and the plants refuse to drink water by themselves! I have to read my list to remember what I must take with me today once I find it. I think today will have some drama especially if the tests results are ready. it is already Wednesday....it is isn't it. So glad to have you all to talk with. 

News from Day 4

Yesterday brought a plan and then a change. Denny and I had a discussion about his tea...that is correct tea. I fixed it with sugar and creamers and he decided that I must have put or added salt! What??! I said it is your taste buds they are off...no it was the salt. The doctor came in and said that they were going ahead with the plan to drain fluid and insert a port for the chemo later in the afternoon. So it was off all flood and liquids to prepare. The port would also be used to draw blood as they were having great difficulty using veins now.  The afternoon passed and at 3:30 the RN said his platelet count was too low for any procedure so it would be on Tuesday for all to take place. She suggested that Denny order from the menu for evening meal and so he did. When it came to fixing the tea, I suggested he do it himself and handed him the sugar packets. After a few sips he said it tasted salty....this time, he did not say salt was added but that maybe I should bring him sugar form home and his English Breakfast tea. Good thing I could not whack him! Getting back to our day, it was a good rest day except for trips to the bathroom. It means unplugging the monitor, untangling the tubes and walking with the rolling pole. I now know how to get it all done ( of course with his supervision ) and then back to bed.  For a short time he was not his sweet self but rather grumpy and short tempered. I gave him "the knock it off" speech and things were much better.  On Sunday I had taken my Thursday Club stitching bag with me...

In the entire day this was all that I did. It is the Words of Affirmation from Donna at By The Bay Needleworks that I usually do when I join in the Thursday group. Everything that I need stays in the tote bag ready to go. Well, the next word on the list...Patient! How appropriate, he is and I need to be. This is where I left off yesterday (Monday)

Much more accomplished. I leave the tote bag there so it is one less thing to remember each morning. So today is an important day moving forward. We should have the rest of the test results and the port going in and possible coming home on Wednesday. If all goes well. We are so lucky to have all of you sending hugs and good thoughts and wishes. Lucky too that the staff are caring and patient and attentive. It is still scary trying to learn more and keeping my list and notes. AI am not sure how Denny will react to having this port but it certainly will eliminate the need to finding veins. Hope too that they switch him to oral meds for the blood clot and not have to inject himself in the abdomen...you know I can not do it. I think I will try to catch a couple of hours more sleep. He asked me to be there before they take him for the procedure which means I will be arriving at 6 AM instead of 8. Your kind words and encouragement keep me going. I feel the hugs and kisses that you have sent.  I will leave you with this

We still hold hands when we walk together and even just because. These two hands rest on a hospital bed.

Yesterday---Day 3

How do I say how much all of you mean to me? Impossible! Yesterday was a day with more information but no answers yet. Denny slept well in the new room...a private room without noise or distractions; except for the constant monitoring. I think I had left my brain and power of deduction at home yesterday. I had been in the new room for a couple of hours when I left to use the restroom down the hall. As I was walking back and turned the corner to his wing I saw a bulletin board. I decided to stop and read. It talked about quiet time and that the lights around the nurses station would be dimmed  from 2-4 and then again later, and noise kept at a minimum. All doors to the room would remain closed. The unit is quiet to begin with and I think there are only 12 or so patients there. Then the next bulletin board posted about heart disease and heart failure. Still not really reading in my mind. The last board is the white erasable that lists all the room and the patients. The title is Cardiac...what? I turned and caught the eye of one of the nurses. I asked if this was a cardiac unit and with a very surprised and concerned look she replied --yes your husband is here on a cardiac unit. I know she thinks I am an idiot. When I went back to his room there was another clue to this new revelation...on the board in his room it says Cardiac. Tell me, where had my eyes been the entire time I was on the unit and in his room?! Well, I will tell you my eyes were and remain on my Denny....I know sounds corny, but that is a fact. I had great communications all day with his RN. She continually shared information. Every turn seems to be something else. Denny is and always has been a very quiet easy going guy. The doctor came in and I think some realization has hit my guy. The word cancer strikes some fear as does Chemo treatments. We expect to have the tests results, or some of them today (day 4) and then a plan of treatment. They are still having trouble getting blood drawn and he is now on blood thinners because of the blood clot so he is bleeding easily form his IV site. That has to be watched very closely. He is still on IV fluids and now 2 antibiotics. Denny had to go down for more tests and told me to come with him so of course I did. When we  waiting I asked if he was worried and if that was why he asked me to be there...."no, I want to be with you"--- I am glad his eyes were closed because mine were tearing. I did see a spark of his old self a couple of times yesterday...He asked me to give him an Imitrex because his headache was back. Of course I said that we would ask the RN; his reply was "stop following the rules." Every time someone wants to draw blood he rolls his eyes and announces that they just want to poke him.  My list of questions will be ready today when the doctor returns with results. One of us has to ask and since Denny seems to close up I will be his voice. On a lighter note: There were a couple of cards in the mail so  I will bring them to cheer him. I remembered that his fish in the pond had not been fed since Wednesday or Thursday so that was first on the home list. The Dove family is still lingering in the yard. They seem to enjoy sitting under the gazebo. I did remember to water the garden in the morning. I picked 3 tomatoes. I am having trouble sleeping. I sleep in short spurts and that is why at 2 AM I am posting. It is not for lack of being tired, just that my guy is not here....the house is too quiet.