Sunday, June 25, 2017

It's the little things

Yesterday while outside dealing tending to the pond, I found myself thinking Denny would tell me that I was feeding them wrong...he often said tell me, how is dropping pellets into the water wrong?  Anyway, I plopped them down and the fish as usual just ignored me.  My thought is if they eat they will survive, if not , oh well.  Just those little things that pop into my head.  As I cooked the ravioli for my dinner I could hear Denny say "save some of the pasta water like Lidia does" (Bastianich).  While watering the few plants in the garden that still are alive he would say be sure to give them enough...those little things he would say.  In the afternoon we would watched a movie and it would always be my choice, well he would offer 2 and then I would pick one.  There have been no movies in the afternoon for awhile now...maybe I should start to choose 2 to find one...those little things.  Whenever I sat to do needlework he would ask "what are you working on" even as he was in the hospital he would ask.  He always took great interest in what I was creating.  He thought there was nothing that I could not do with my needles.  I have not picked up the needlework since that next day.  Today I promise myself to finish those one is asking.... those little things.  I did finish the last of the Affirmation Words...
This project has been so helpful in this difficult time.  Each word was so appropriate. He approved each word as it was finished at the hospital.  It will be finished in his memory for Denny and me.  I have to believe my Denny is finally at peace.  His last day was not and I could do nothing to help him.  Now I wait for me to find some peace.....

Saturday, June 24, 2017

In My Heart

There is a very special place in my heart where my memories, tucked into the corner is a place reserved for my Denny. Today I found a note that has been on the fridge for just about a year dated June 16 2016. It is a small note that simply says, " Water is in the pot...Love the tea fairy". It is one of many little notes that Dennis would write to me. How lucky I have been to have had 47 years of his love. I ask myself how I will get on now without him. Just because I fixed the pond pump and fountain...just because I pumped gas for the very first time and just because so many other little things that I find myself doing does not mean that I want to do this things. These past 2 days have seemed like  an eternity...I have cleaned and polished and washed floors and laundry. I have swept the lanai and yard in the triple digit heat.  I want to see the smile that would melt me. I want to hear his plans for the garden. I will not have to call him in during the rain storms. I want to hear him call me Graz. He never called me Grace and would refer to me to others as The Graz. (short for Grazielle, the Italian of my name.) I thought on that faithful day of May 19th my world was just the beginning and now on June 21st it totally fell apart. There was so much more that I thought we would do or say. Plans not yet made. Notes not written. Yet in all this I am fortunate that we did have time to talk and say special words to one another. But I want more time. Denny loved his garden, loved sitting outside reading his favorite magazine, love watching movies, loved watching  the Patriot's football games and wearing his Patriot's hats, he enjoyed listening to all genre of music, he enjoyed taking care of his pond and fish. He had a wonderful sense of humor. Forty-seven years wasn't enough time. Today I found yet more keys but this time they had a label. Still, where do the other keys belong and where is the padlock for that key? We loved mystery movies and now I have the Mystery of the Keys to solve. I need more time with my Denny. I want him here with me. I am lost.....
Dennis Errol Horton...December 16 1945 - June 21 2017

Thursday, June 22, 2017

The Last Breath

The Last breath was taken by Dennis just before 9 PM last evening, needless to say he will sadly missed. I would like to thank everyone for their support to Dennis and especially Grace.  I have no humorous anecdotes today I find while waiting for the end and knowing it will happen does not mitigate the forlorn feeling of loss.

My sister is a remarkable woman and has done everything well, she will adapt and continue on. This was reminded to be by my sister Linda when we spoke this morning.We both maintained a journal of this chapter in our life which is a comfort. Depending on her schedule (things now have to be done) I will maintain her blog with perhaps some stories from Boston.

Until next time......................... Alan

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Room with a view

The weather has been so hot...the only place to be is indoors with the air conditioner keeping you cool. The forecast for today is 119 as well as for Wednesday and the rest of the week is to be in the high triple digits around 114. We need gloves to touch the steering wheel in the car! Luckily I have the automatic car starter so I can get the car cooled before driving anywhere.
If the days were cooler....
this quiet patio just outside Denny's room would be a lovely place to sit. Everything about this place is all about feeling homelike, and it does not look anything like a medical facility. Denny did not really get to see it as so but I appreciate it. Yesterday he had a fever and they monitored it with just a little success of bringing it down. I am told it is not uncommon for this to happen.....just something else. I continue to tat Angels, they will be finished here at home. The halos require some finessing and the Santa needs to have his felt backing glued on. So far the pond is working okay and yesterday I went to Lowes to get the algae treatment to add in. With this heat is sure to be a problem. Gee, I actually must have listened when Denny talked about the pond. I have not mentioned to him about the state of the plants...he did remind me those beginning days here to water them well and often.....I did try but this heat did not help at all. They will be replaced eventually. The Dove family is getting ready to leave the least the parents are trying to get them to leave but the 2 kids are not so ready. That about covers this update....thank you for the love and encouragement that you send to us....thank you for your friendship which truly is helping me get through this chapter in our lives. Time to turn on the aquarium light  wake the house tenant and feed him and brew some coffee...soon my day will really start.