In My Heart

There is a very special place in my heart where my memories stay....now, tucked into the corner is a place reserved for my Denny. Today I found a note that has been on the fridge for just about a year dated June 16 2016. It is a small note that simply says, " Water is in the pot...Love the tea fairy". It is one of many little notes that Dennis would write to me. How lucky I have been to have had 47 years of his love. I ask myself how I will get on now without him. Just because I fixed the pond pump and fountain...just because I pumped gas for the very first time and just because so many other little things that I find myself doing does not mean that I want to do this things. These past 2 days have seemed like  an eternity...I have cleaned and polished and washed floors and laundry. I have swept the lanai and yard in the triple digit heat.  I want to see the smile that would melt me. I want to hear his plans for the garden. I will not have to call him in during the rain storms. I want to hear him call me Graz. He never called me Grace and would refer to me to others as The Graz. (short for Grazielle, the Italian of my name.) I thought on that faithful day of May 19th my world exploded......it was just the beginning and now on June 21st it totally fell apart. There was so much more that I thought we would do or say. Plans not yet made. Notes not written. Yet in all this I am fortunate that we did have time to talk and say special words to one another. But I want more time. Denny loved his garden, loved sitting outside reading his favorite magazine, love watching movies, loved watching  the Patriot's football games and wearing his Patriot's hats, he enjoyed listening to all genre of music, he enjoyed taking care of his pond and fish. He had a wonderful sense of humor. Forty-seven years wasn't enough time. Today I found yet more keys but this time they had a label. Still, where do the other keys belong and where is the padlock for that key? We loved mystery movies and now I have the Mystery of the Keys to solve. I need more time with my Denny. I want him here with me. I am lost.....

Dennis Errol Horton...December 16 1945 - June 21 2017

The Last Breath

The Last breath was taken by Dennis just before 9 PM last evening, needless to say he will sadly missed. I would like to thank everyone for their support to Dennis and especially Grace.  I have no humorous anecdotes today I find while waiting for the end and knowing it will happen does not mitigate the forlorn feeling of loss.

My sister is a remarkable woman and has done everything well, she will adapt and continue on. This was reminded to be by my sister Linda when we spoke this morning.We both maintained a journal of this chapter in our life which is a comfort. Depending on her schedule (things now have to be done) I will maintain her blog with perhaps some stories from Boston.

Until next time......................... Alan

Room with a view

The weather has been so hot...the only place to be is indoors with the air conditioner keeping you cool. The forecast for today is 119 as well as for Wednesday and the rest of the week is to be in the high triple digits around 114. We need gloves to touch the steering wheel in the car! Luckily I have the automatic car starter so I can get the car cooled before driving anywhere.
If the days were cooler....

this quiet patio just outside Denny's room would be a lovely place to sit. Everything about this place is all about feeling homelike, and it does not look anything like a medical facility. Denny did not really get to see it as so but I appreciate it. Yesterday he had a fever and they monitored it with just a little success of bringing it down. I am told it is not uncommon for this to happen.....just something else. I continue to tat Angels, they will be finished here at home. The halos require some finessing and the Santa needs to have his felt backing glued on. So far the pond is working okay and yesterday I went to Lowes to get the algae treatment to add in. With this heat is sure to be a problem. Gee, I actually must have listened when Denny talked about the pond. I have not mentioned to him about the state of the plants...he did remind me those beginning days here to water them well and often.....I did try but this heat did not help at all. They will be replaced eventually. The Dove family is getting ready to leave the nest...at least the parents are trying to get them to leave but the 2 kids are not so ready. That about covers this update....thank you for the love and encouragement that you send to us....thank you for your friendship which truly is helping me get through this chapter in our lives. Time to turn on the aquarium light  wake the house tenant and feed him and brew some coffee...soon my day will really start.

Keeping busy

Some have asked whether I have been stitching or tatting and the answer is yes. Sitting with Denny and chatting and keeping busy. One thing that will always stay with me is "What are you working on now" so often asked by him to me. While in the hospital I was working on Affirmation Words.....a project that will only be completed when...... The Hospice Center is a quiet place and while we chat and watch favorite TV shows, I ....

stitched this Santa ornament on perforated paper. He needs finally completion which I can only do at home so here is only a partial look. Tatting has also occupied my time...

2 Sun catchers; one with a blue gem and the other with a gold gem and the smaller clear glass gem for an ornament or just to display piece. I plan on giving a few away as mementos of Denny. I began  another tatting project yesterday...

Angels .... today I will complete them with the bottom trim and halos. If you follow me on Facebook you will already know this....on Saturday I sent an SOS out to Don and Glenda (friends of the heart) to help me with the 3 line gas rule....that is right, the gas that The Brother Alan put in did not last until he will return this Spring...so, what to do? As I pulled into the parking lot of the Hospice center there is a Fry's gas station...I was feeling brave so I pulled in after circling once to find just the right pump. Then I stood there watching the guy across the way and the lady next to me...I remembered to open the gas cover and then after a brief struggle with the gas cap...(who designed a push and twist cap !?) turned my attention the pump. everything push button and after the last yes was tapped I lifted the handle, inserted into the car and nothing...right, squeeze the handle and Voila! gas . So at the age of 70 I have for the first time pumped gas....not sure about wanting to do this often but as Glenda pointed out I will probably only need to do this once a month or so ( I do not drive much) . Of course I bragged to Denny when I sat there ... not sure how impressed he was but the nurse was! My Denny is still slowly failing, and still not verbal nor does he open his eyes..... but we watch the cooking shows and the PBS programs and since he can not complain I sneak in a few that he is not fond of.  I sit and miss the man who's smile always melted me and his dry sense of humor and his holding my hand. Now I hold his hand and try to explain my time away from him. I know he would be glad that I have so far conquered the pond fiasco and the aquarium mishap and yes the gas pump. I tell him I love him and wish I could hear the return "I love you too".