What a day for a daydream....

Always liked the song, but daydreams do not last. When I arrive at the hospital, the first thing I do is check the board to see who is Dennis' RN. I do not look for her because it is a busy time at 8 AM. Once I wash hands don a mask, in the room I go and I help my guy get ready for breakfast. Yesterday found him not feeling well due to the infection and his mouth was very painful. I ask about his night and we chat. It was impossible for him to eat even the cream of wheat. Every nurse and can he has had has been so caring. Yesterday was no exception. Meds given and I get an update. Blood cell down.... needs transfusion. Platelet count is 11,000, down 10,000 from yesterday. Normal count is between 150,000 to 450,000, he is critical and 2 units are ordered. Then the series of "visitors" arrive.
The ladies form Hospice are in, and I tell them we will wait until Monday to talk with them.The Internal Medicine doctor was pleasant and understands the keeping him comfortable request. The Swat Team arrives to draw blood. Rolly has done this with Denny before this time he explains the challenge. So much edema that he will need to draw for a knuckle area...that is right. Tries the left index finger no go. So to the right hand and after a try he is successful but for a very little amount but it will have to do. In comes the Infectious Disease doctor, a really nice and caring man. This time he motions for me to leave the room so I join him just outside the main room. The news is that there is nothing more that can be done and I loose it.  I knew this would come, but hearing it is another thing. He feels it would be better coming form me. He gives me a hug and reports to the RN. When I enter the room, Denny asks if I am through crying..."just tell me"....I cry, we talk, he just is quiet.  Around 1:30 he is up and sitting in the recliner to change position form the bed. In comes the Oncologist, who has been a nice lady, that is until no. She is upset he is refusing more chemo and we tell her we want comfort measures. She abruptly removes her gloves and tell me  that she will see him as an out patient in her office as she quickly leaves the room. Not likely. I take a walk so I can cry. Later the Heart doctor stops in...By the end of the day ( 6 PM), Dennis is still in pain. I tell him I will stay with him but a little after 7 he tells me I should go.  I do not want to, but I will. So, I arrive home to find that the house is very warm. The temp out was 100 and the house was 92. The air conditioner is not working.  I turn it off, find something to eat, put all the ceiling fans on and proceed to spill ice water all over the side of the bed.....finally I drift off to sleep . I awake at 2:30 and turn the air back on...it is back off. Time to call in someone....so I start my day wondering what will be today. One thing for sure, I will not be telling Mr H about the air conditioner...at least not today. Suddenly I am in charge of a lot. I did not even tell you about my pond fountain mishap! That was at 6:30 AM when I went to water the plants and check the pond. The fountain is getting clogged apparently, so it sprays unevenly. I decided to tape it with the broom handle and immediately took a pond shower! I got it to flow better but I do know what my next job after dealing with the air conditioner will be. Oh the yelling I did at the beginning of the day and the end of the day! I finished this yesterday..

I love the variegated pink. It was the perfect next word....I found compassion from the Banner Boswell staff. Always ready with a smile, "how are you doing" and of course a hug. I needed it all yesterday. The next word is Strong. I have been and will need to be. Such meaning with this project. Thank you dear Debbie Burke for the every morning email....for the card and also to KimM. I will take them as I did the others to show him. They do bring a smile from "his" blog friends. Thank you all for your loving and caring words of encouragement and thank you for the friendship which especially now means so much. Let's try for a good day.

Back in the hospital and a lost glass of iced coffee.

When I came home and listened to the several telephone messages. there was one from my sister so I called, first getting my glass of iced coffee from the fridge. Yes, after only being home 2 days, Denny is back in the hospital and it was not easy. On Monday he did not feel well could not swallow well and did not eat. Tuesday was our first Oncology visit and she decided he needed to go to the ER for IV fluids due to dehydration. Off we went at 2:45 PM and for almost 8 hours we remained in the ER...doing this and that; more blood tests and urine tests and a   platelet transfusion along with IV fluids. 10:45 PM,  finally an Observation admission (over night). No sooner are we on the unit and just getting into bed and he went into A Fib mode.. They called for the Rapid Respond team and everyone began to work to get his heart beating normally again. 12:15 AM move to the Cardiac Unit for monitoring...yes, this time dear friends I knew where we were! Once Denny got settled, I left at 1:30 AM. After a few hours sleep I returned yesterday to see what we were going to do. As I turned the corner to enter his room, there was a sign on the door about precautions and I had to enter through 2 doors. Then I saw the bed...completely unmade and pushed aside and no Dennis! Rushed out to the nursing center and they explained he went for tests. What a scare I tell you. Obviously more tests took place and a procedure in the afternoon.  About the room: Because of his almost nil immune system, hands must be washed before entering, a mask must be worn in the room and hands must be washed when leaving the room. Those damn masks are very unattractive...more importantly it is hard to breathe with them on! More doctors in and out and an important conversation with the Oncologist. Another surgical procedure late in the day. Lots of pain for Denny and then he finally settled down. But, just before he did sleep I told the nurse I would be leaving and out of nowhere he says, "sit down". And specifically to sit next to the bed. So, instead of leaving at 7 it was 8ish when I left. I did start my next Affirmation word yesterday, Compassionate and again an appropriate word for me.  Once home I checked the answering machine and a message from my sister Linda. Before calling Linda, I opened the fridge to see what I could quickly eat. Well, I found a glass of iced coffee and 3 cooked shrimp sitting in butter just waiting for me. This morning I remembered the glass of coffee and did not see the glass anywhere. Somehow, it ended up in the living room on the TV stand....who left it there needs a lesson in good housekeeping. Laundry for Denny is now in the dryer and my coffee is almost finished.  Thank you for the lovely cards they mean a lot to Denny and me. Thank you for the kind words and most of all your friendship. The Brother Alan will surely be posting especially on my off days.
Did I mentioned Denny who is always cold complained that the room was too cold and they immediately got the nighttime "engineer" in to fix the temperature. I  actually do not have to wear a sweater! Have a nice day my friends....

Grace's Post

Negativity breeds negativity, with that said all of us carry some. It is good to think about those around you before your negativity peeks it's ugly presence. Symbolism, by hanging a basket is a fantastic way to think of your own and maybe leaving it behind when you leave, well said Grace. I for one will write mine down on a piece of paper and deposit it into the basket when I again return to Arizona. With luck I'll leave one or two in the basket when I return to RI. Self introspect is something many of us are doing after hearing Dennis's news. It's crazy to say but sharing this situation will no doubt help many who read this blog, and to those friends of ours that we share this with. I don't feel much like a cowboy today, probably because I am looking out my office window on a dreary Boston day, confined in a suit, but all I have to think of are the many times being with Dennis and having fun, it brightens the day

All most back to normal

Although things will never be as they once were we are moving forward. Thank you seems so insignificant to how we feel. You have all embraced our problem and send so much love.  Sending Denny cards to cheer him as also cheered me. Bloggers are wonderful. Some time ago I purchased this from The Heard Museum in Phoenix

 It is a Native American Worry Basket. It is hung outside or just inside as is mine of your entrance and you leave your worries in the basket upon entering the home in the basket and hopefully forget them when leaving. It is never good to bring negativity into the home. Of course mine is symbolic, we do not write them down on slips of paper , but everyday I jingle the hanging bells as if leaving my thoughts and concerns. More so now. I am feeling a little better about all the meds and oh that needle! Even that is okay now. While we were busy starting a new life....

Some fine feathered neighbor decided to help themselves to construction supplies! The nerve of some people! birds! The Doves are settled in their new nest in the wall basket in the backyard and Mr H just nodded when I told him. If you cannot beat them let them be. We can watch them from the kitchen window. I will sneak a picture soon. I did manage to do some stitching last week...not as much as you would think sitting there all day, but

Patient and Faith are the latest. How ironic that the first words apply to Denny and me at this time. This project has taken on a new meaning for me and I will continue to find time to make a few x's each day. The next word is Compassionate.  A few weeks ago I found this nice journal...

It has been sitting on a shelf I in the craft closet. My original thought  was to use it to write the many quotes and saying that I collect. Now, I think I will use it to journal this new experience and turn in our lives. I will still share here as so many have asked me to continue...thank you.... but this will be for maybe a few private thoughts. The clock is reading almost 9:30 "AM and that means that I, Nurse thegraz  ( the name Denny has called my for 47 years) will be on duty for meds. So, with that I will say again, thank you for the caring and kind words and for your friendship. Have a great day.

Mr H comes home!

It seemed like it was not going to happen. I arrived at the hospital around 8am and Denny was up and eating picking at his breakfast. Immediately I noticed that his right arm was swollen more the left which had been swollen. It was tight to touch and bothering him. He said that the RN had checked him earlier (done each change of shift). After breakfast the RN came in with meds and I brought it to her attention.  Oh no I thought we are not going home today. A call placed to the doctor and ace wrap applied and to be monitored at this time. Problem: his circulation is impaired and DVT mentioned (Deep Vein Thrombosis). Now a lesson in how to apply the ace wrap for me to do at home. We took a lovely walk in the park around the nursing station (2x) and then back for a sit down rest. Still awaiting discharge. Blood pressure has been running low, some changes to the meds he will be taking. A lesson in cutting one of his pills and now we are proud owners of a dandy pill cutter! Denny is anxious about going home but I think once home he will be okay. The injectable med is quite expensive and not covered by our prescription plan.  After some checking our Blue Cross will cover it. So far we met with the Discharge Coordinator , all papers signed for me to take him home, and now the Oncology/Hematology doctor who will be treating my guy. He needs an injection for the white cell count but it has to be ordered and this is a holiday weekend. She goes over a list of what to watch for once home (if we ever get there) and to call her immediately if a problem arises. We must be in her office on Tuesday (if we are out of here by then). Have I told you all the paper work I have received? Today I will build a file! Then the bomb shell. He would not be able to give his own injection do to the extreme edema he is having and will most likely continue to have. Me? Oh no dear nurse, not me.....how could I? I have never given an injection or used a needle. Contrary to my cousin Norman who suggested that I could because of all the needlework I do! What can I say, he is a writer! Anyway I watched carefully as RN Vickie gave Denny the injection into the abdomen.... I do not like needles and do not like watching and now she wants me to do both... never going to happen. Did I mention we are still waiting on discharge. Back comes RN Vickie with the insulin needle and suggests that  me, myself and I give it...no, no I can not. Mr H says I can so I did....I gave my first injection and the patient survived. Said I did  not even hurt him. What discharge, we are still waiting. As 4:30 arrives so does George to transport Denny for a Vascular Ultra sound in both arms to rule out blood clots. Dennis asks that I watch his bed...like who wants it. Finally after dinner which we should have been enjoying having at home, more paperwork  and discharge is on the way. Right! Change of shift and the wait is on. Finally around 8:30 PM we are on our way home. Around 9 PM I finally had a baked sweet potato and fresh fruit. I must have fallen asleep around 11 with orders to my guy to wake me if he needed anything. Friends I am so pleased that we are here, home. We will be careful to watch for all the things on our list and  start this journey together as we have done so this far.  We have a long way to go.....thank you for all the caring kind words and cards (thank you cousin Janice and blogging friend Karen from Averyclaire Needlearts) which have cheered him. Your friendship has truly helped me through this past week. Back to regular blogging with just brief updates on my guy.
To the person who emailed me that she thought this was a stitching blog....remember; it is my blog and I can write and show whatever I wish. I would love for you to follow and enjoy but you do not have to read it when it does not interest you.