Saturday, June 3, 2017

What a day for a daydream....

Always liked the song, but daydreams do not last. When I arrive at the hospital, the first thing I do is check the board to see who is Dennis' RN. I do not look for her because it is a busy time at 8 AM. Once I wash hands don a mask, in the room I go and I help my guy get ready for breakfast. Yesterday found him not feeling well due to the infection and his mouth was very painful. I ask about his night and we chat. It was impossible for him to eat even the cream of wheat. Every nurse and can he has had has been so caring. Yesterday was no exception. Meds given and I get an update. Blood cell down.... needs transfusion. Platelet count is 11,000, down 10,000 from yesterday. Normal count is between 150,000 to 450,000, he is critical and 2 units are ordered. Then the series of "visitors" arrive.
The ladies form Hospice are in, and I tell them we will wait until Monday to talk with them.The Internal Medicine doctor was pleasant and understands the keeping him comfortable request. The Swat Team arrives to draw blood. Rolly has done this with Denny before this time he explains the challenge. So much edema that he will need to draw for a knuckle area...that is right. Tries the left index finger no go. So to the right hand and after a try he is successful but for a very little amount but it will have to do. In comes the Infectious Disease doctor, a really nice and caring man. This time he motions for me to leave the room so I join him just outside the main room. The news is that there is nothing more that can be done and I loose it.  I knew this would come, but hearing it is another thing. He feels it would be better coming form me. He gives me a hug and reports to the RN. When I enter the room, Denny asks if I am through crying..."just tell me"....I cry, we talk, he just is quiet.  Around 1:30 he is up and sitting in the recliner to change position form the bed. In comes the Oncologist, who has been a nice lady, that is until no. She is upset he is refusing more chemo and we tell her we want comfort measures. She abruptly removes her gloves and tell me  that she will see him as an out patient in her office as she quickly leaves the room. Not likely. I take a walk so I can cry. Later the Heart doctor stops in...By the end of the day ( 6 PM), Dennis is still in pain. I tell him I will stay with him but a little after 7 he tells me I should go.  I do not want to, but I will. So, I arrive home to find that the house is very warm. The temp out was 100 and the house was 92. The air conditioner is not working.  I turn it off, find something to eat, put all the ceiling fans on and proceed to spill ice water all over the side of the bed.....finally I drift off to sleep . I awake at 2:30 and turn the air back on...it is back off. Time to call in someone....so I start my day wondering what will be today. One thing for sure, I will not be telling Mr H about the air conditioner...at least not today. Suddenly I am in charge of a lot. I did not even tell you about my pond fountain mishap! That was at 6:30 AM when I went to water the plants and check the pond. The fountain is getting clogged apparently, so it sprays unevenly. I decided to tape it with the broom handle and immediately took a pond shower! I got it to flow better but I do know what my next job after dealing with the air conditioner will be. Oh the yelling I did at the beginning of the day and the end of the day! I finished this yesterday..
I love the variegated pink. It was the perfect next word....I found compassion from the Banner Boswell staff. Always ready with a smile, "how are you doing" and of course a hug. I needed it all yesterday. The next word is Strong. I have been and will need to be. Such meaning with this project. Thank you dear Debbie Burke for the every morning email....for the card and also to KimM. I will take them as I did the others to show him. They do bring a smile from "his" blog friends. Thank you all for your loving and caring words of encouragement and thank you for the friendship which especially now means so much. Let's try for a good day.

21 comments:

Janice said...

My tears fall along with yours.....

Janice said...

My tears fall along with yours.....

Shelly said...

So sorry, Gracie. I wish I had something to say that could make it all easier but there's not. Mr. H has you in his corner and that's a good thing, an excellent thing.

Ann at Beadlework. said...

Stay strong Grace, one step and one day at a time. You must feel so overwhelmed just now, you and hubby are very much in my thoughts.

Joanie said...

My heart is broken for you and Denny. Continuing to pray for strength and comfort. You and Denny are in my thoughts. I wish I could give you a real hug instead of a cyber one! {{{HUGS}}}

Vickie said...

Oh Gracie. Oh Dennis. I sit here crying with Murphy on my lap, hugging him. Wishing I could hug you both. I am praying. May the Lord bless you and keep you.

Rose Marie Della Ventura said...

Oh Gracie, I seems everything happens at once. I wish we were closer so Uncle and I could help you. Be strong and you and Dennis will get through this. Consider yourself hugged. Praying.

Norman Belanger said...

💜 you have more strength than you know. your post speaks to your love and devotion, it is so hard to make sense out of a senseless situation, but you are trying to do your best. I hope there is some comfort knowing that your writing brings us there with you, and if possible we share your frustrations and fears, you are not alone in this. Remember your strength, remember that others are out there for you. Our hearts break with yours. 💜

Lynda Ruth Bowers said...

My heart aches for you both. I wish I was there to help. I can only send big hugs and love to you both. Try and stay strong. love

Carolyn said...

Dear Gracie, My heart breaks for you and I send much love and prayers. You have many friends upholding you and tbe good Lord will see you through, Carolyn
Carolyn_jim@comcast.net

Starry-eyed stitcher said...

I am so very very sorry. Like others who have commented here, and many who have not, I wish there was some way to help. You seem to be steering that fine line so brilliantly well as you talk to the professionals and to Denny and try to do what everyone needs you to do at this time. Try to rest, try not worry too much about pond fountains and air conditioning and hang in there. Denny needs you now more than ever before. Much love to you both xxx

CalamityJr said...

Oh, Gracie, my heart aches for you and Mr H. Your strength is amazing. I'll be keeping both of you in my prayers. When you need a boost, think of all your blog friends who are hugging you both and feel God's love surrounding you, too.

Jo who can't think of a clever nickname said...

I'm so sorry Gracie, the affirmations are certainly proving to be appropriate. You are being so strong for Mr H right now. We're all here backing you up and sending our thoughts, prayers and love to you both.
Thank you for blogging and sharing the journey with us.

ps also sorry for smiling at the inadvertent shower!

Cindy said...

Hugs for you. I pray for comfort for you both.

peggysue98 said...

Hugs Gracie. My heart hurts for you. Praying for comfort for Dennis and for u.
Love Peggy

averyclaire.org said...

OH Grace...I am so very sorry. My love and prayers go with you. Such a difficult road to walk for both of you! It is frightening how life can turn in an instant from all we know and cherish. Know that I think of you each day and ask God to walk with you and Dennis. Hugs.

Jennifer M. said...

Words can't express how sad I am reading about all your husband has been through the last few weeks. I admire your strength and ability to stay positive through each passing day. I pray God continues to give you both strength and comfort.

cucki said...

Hugs for you x

Julie said...

You are so brave Gracie, i'm sorry but i did smile thinking of you shouting at the fountain - I was talking to the computer earlier and a household member was shaking their head and telling me objects cannot answer back, but as i told them, its a good job they don't answer back as I was in the mood for a good fight.
I'll be thinking of you as you walk this pathway. You are both in my prayers. I hope they are able to keep Mr H pain free.
xxxx

Lelia said...

hugs hugs hugs

Leonore Winterer said...

Gracie, my heart goes out to the too of you - I hope you'll find all the strength and peace you need to get you through a difficult time like this,